Believing the Lie
by petrarchan1008
Summary: MM Maria faces some issues brought on by the major changes in her life
1. Chapter 1

BELIEVING THE LIE  
  
TV Show: Roswell Disclaimer: I do not own Roswell. In fact I don't own anything of value to anyone. I have no car. I live with my parents and about too many credit card bills. So there! Author's Note: First-time fanfic writer so please be kind. Rating: R for language Summary: M/M. Maria confronts issues in her life when she was forced to face them right after graduation and before Liz's wedding. Genre: Angst  
  
Chapter 1: Living the Drama  
  
Liz Parker and I go a long way back. I remember the years after my dad left my mom, no one in my 2nd grade class would play with me during recess. My then best friend Annie said that she couldn't be my friend anymore. Now I could look back at that and have a snarky comment like "Welcome to Roswell -- prig capital for both aliens and Americans". Even when the divorce rate has climbed faster than the S&P 500 index, people in Roswell still clung onto their perverse sense of conservatism. But no one told me that it was wrong for people to act like that. So back then, I used to think for some reason that all relationships were ephemeral and that I didn't deserve any better. But Liz has always been a contrarian and so she started being my friend probably out of pity at first. And because of this I guard our friendship with such zeal. To me envy for Liz Parker is a betrayal just as worse as sacrilege for the religious fanatics. I was never jealous of what Liz had. Not when she was voted the most beautiful or when she always gets to be the princess in our games with Alex and I always get to be the funny governess or even when Kyle started dating her and everyone in school wanted to be his girl. That is, 'til the Czechoslovakians came into our lives.  
  
For the record, knowing the Czechoslovakians wasn't the worst thing about high school. The worst part of high school was being in high school and having the normal high school issues heightened by all this cosmic drama. And so a couple of months before her wedding, I slept over at Liz's house probably for the last time even though all I wanted was to just bury my head in the ground. I couldn't begrudge her of her happiness even though it throws in stark contrast how my life is peculiarly my own and that I'm destined to be alone forever. I'm losing my best friend the only other person who knows me for me and hasn't run away. I wish Alex were here. Then maybe he'd make some sense out of all this but he isn't around to deflect all that pre-marital bliss away from my full absorption. The problem is seeing how she rocks Max's world and how he does the same for her, I'm tired of pretending that this constricting in my chest doesn't exist. How much I envy her happiness and how things always go smoothly for her. Every time I see them so happy makes me feel like I'm drowning and this time no one's there to save me. May be that's how it was always meant to be. And so though I've managed to avoid meeting up with them in all their potential bliss by going off to New York. I can't run away forever and so I know I have to go back to Roswell soon. Another reason is that my quest in New York is over and there is no other reason for me to stay.  
  
A day after I got back home, the phone rings and I know it's her and before I could make my escape good, my Mom picks up the phone and hollers, "Ria it's for you. It's Liz."  
  
She must've seen the look on my face as I took the phone because she mouthed "what's wrong" but I just had to shoo her away and make excuses about being tired from my trip.  
  
"Hey Maria, are you sick or something? You haven't been around much. Is everything all right?", concern filtering through her voice.  
  
I was thinking of saying, "No not everything is alright because you're so happy and I'm not" but that would make me sound like a petulant brat so I don't say that. Instead I tell her, "Gosh! I'm really sorry Liz but I've been to New York and it was all so sudden so I didn't have time to say goodbye or anything. But yeah everything's okay. I mean what's up with you though? How's the wedding preparation going so far?"  
  
"Nothing much. Isabel is running me harried with all her wedding preparation advice and now she's pestering me to have rehearsals a week before the day."  
  
"Liz are you sure you want to marry into their family? I mean I love Isabel like a sister and she is a dear dear friend but it's her Czechoslavakian powers that stop me from throttling her sometimes."  
  
"Maria you ninny," she laughs, "I missed you so much. But you are going to the wedding right? You have to you're my maid of honor!"  
  
To which I replied in a heartbeat, "I wouldn't miss it for all the MTV awards."  
  
"Say why don't I come over?! I'll borrow Max's jeep and we could go to the shop to have your dress fitted out. At any rate, you would have to do it today since the wedding is a week and a couple of days from now. I'll drop you off while I run some errands then we could talk some more about this New York jaunt that we've always been planning to do when we're old enough which I never got to go. What do you say? I won't take no for an answer after having ditched me like that!" The laughter in Liz voice masks some hurt but I know her too well and I'm flooded with guilt so before I could think up of an excuse not to my mouth as usual works in advance.  
  
"Hmmm. sounds like a plan."  
  
"Okay, I'll be there in two hours."  
  
"Okay. See you later then."  
  
And as she put down the phone and I listened to the dial tone, it seemed that all my energy was spent and I plopped down on the sofa. My Mom's timing is impeccable and she comes in with chamomile tea.  
  
"So Ria? Going out with Liz this afternoon?"  
  
"Yeah Mom. I'm going to try out my dress for her wedding." And my tone probably gave her the hint that I'm not too enthusiastic about it so she peered into my face and asked, "Hon, what's wrong? You've been off since graduation?"  
  
"Nothing Mom. I'm just thinking how blue has never really been my color." Literally or otherwise.  
  
"Nonsense! Maria, blue brings out the highlights in your eyes. Drink your tea." Thank God that my Mom has never been that clued into when I'm telling a lie or not. So while I lay there thinking about how Liz always get to have a fairy tale ending, I fell asleep and thought that I was dreaming about another Czechoslovakian hovering over me.  
  
"Maria, Maria wake up! We have to go to the store before it closes." He was barely touching me but his voice was enough to shake me out of my dreams.  
  
"Wha-? Who? Li.. wait. You're not Liz."  
  
"I sure hope not. As much as I am fond of Maxwell, I don't think I'd like to marry him." He smirks at me in that annoying way which makes my eyes tear up because I miss him so much.  
  
So I pretend to be wiping the sleep from my eyes. "Michael what are you doing here?" Pointing the empty teacup, which I might add I was fortunate enough not to drop while I dozed off, at him for emphasis.  
  
"I came to pick you up." He straightened up and didn't seem to know where to look all of a sudden like he was embarrassed to be with me in the same room. For a minute there, I thought that I must have drooled into the sofa or somehow gotten out of my clothes and just into my undergarments to make him feel so uncomfortable. But after checking that I haven't drooled into something and neither am I naked, I contemplated on going back to sleep but he catches me mid-way from heading off back to lalala land.  
  
"No, no. I was supposed to go with Liz." I got up groggily to look for my other shoe, which was suddenly missing and nearly lost my balance but Michael caught me in time. "I'm fine. Help me look for the other pair of my shoe, will you? What happened to Liz?" I settle heavily back onto the sofa, my head in hand feeling like a migraine was settling in permanently since I got back. If this was Liz's idea to get me and Michael to spend time together, friend or no friend, I'm really going to skin her alive.  
  
"She got into a minor accident on the way here." His voice muffled as he bent to peer under the sofa to retrieve my shoe and it was funny but it made me want to jump out of my skin seeing him bend over for me - no pun intended because God forbid that Michael Guerin will do that for anyone but the other Czechoslovakians. Meanwhile, I'm wondering how come I never noticed what a nice butt he had and how I wish it was still mine. "Here you go Cinderella. She's fine but she turned her ankle and told me to run her errands for her and bring you to the shop. So if you're ready, the chariot and I will be right outside." He turns and leaves the house.  
  
I had half a mind to go back to sleep and leave him there waiting if not for my Mom hustling me outside with an Advil saying that it was rude to make Michael wait. There was a time when she wouldn't be too keen on me getting in a car with Michael behind the wheel but that was way back when my life wasn't so complicated.  
  
I clambered into Max's Jeep and instantly knew that this would be the longest ride ever. And so under pretext of a migraine, which I really had, I looked right outside at the passing view and didn't attempt to make conversation but apparently Michael wanted to do the opposite. Typical.  
  
"So you haven't been around much? Where did you go off to?"  
  
"Michael, I'm not in the mood for an interrogation, okay?"  
  
"Well aren't you being all prissy. I'm not interrogating you. I'm not even remotely interested in your answer but given that small talk is what civil people in your planet do, I try to practice the local custom." He glances at me and clenches his hands around the wheel.  
  
"Fine. I've been to New York. Bill said that there was a guy who was interested in hearing some of my songs."  
  
He squints into the distance and the muscles on his face tells me that he is itching to know more but I don't give him the satisfaction that I care to let him know what's been going on in my life. Apparently he didn't want to seem too interested as he steers the conversation elsewhere.  
  
"So you're probably happy for Liz and Max."  
  
"Why shouldn't I be? Here in my planet, that's what people in serious relationships do Spaceboy." I snap back.  
  
"Well I wasn't the one who broke off our relationship remember?! I chose to stay because I thought I had a reason to. Guess I was wrong."  
  
"Can we please not have this conversation now?! Or maybe ever?! I'm having a splitting headache and if it weren't for Liz who happens to be my best friend, I wouldn't even be caught within six feet of you Michael Guerin."  
  
The silence after that was unnerving and I didn't know why I was even fighting with him considering that we weren't together anymore. He just knows what buttons to push, even if he didn't try at all. Which pretty much speaks for why I broke up with him. It wouldn't have worked out. We were too much like each other. We were alone and we were both broken. At least with Max and Liz and Isabel and Jessie, they had Liz and Jessie to put the pieces together. I had a hard time enough convincing myself that not all people I love leave, why would Michael be any different? I'm not saying that God or whoever was out there had a secret vendetta. I'm just saying that it was my history. So between that and the intense monologue slash pity party in my head, for some reason I couldn't stop myself from crying. I didn't know when Michael pulled over but the next thing I knew I was out of the jeep and he was running after me.  
  
"Maria! Wait up."  
  
"Michael leave me alone! Please. Go away."  
  
"I can't leave. Not like this. What's wrong?" As he finally catches up with me and grabs my arm. He turns me around and cups my face in his hands which makes me start to cry even harder. By this time, he was really nervous and just pulls me in his arms and strokes my hair. "Shhhh. Maria. I'm sorry for picking a fight with you. Is, is it Bill? Are you having problems with him?"  
  
I laugh into his chest and push him gently away. "No. It's not Bill. Things are fine with us."  
  
"Oh!" Michael sighs raggedly and draws his hand through his hair "So what's wrong?"  
  
"Michael, Bill and I -" I start to say but he cuts me off "No. You don't have to explain. I'm happy for you." He turns away.  
  
"No, wait!" I stop him. "It's not that. Bill and I are just good friends and will never be more than that. I lied. I was in New York but not to audition. Well I did audition but nothing came through and I was also there because I wanted to find my father."  
  
"Why didn't you tell us Maria? I could've gone with you." He looks into my eyes and I had to look away. There are times when I can't bear to look at Michael not because I didn't love him but because I did and still do. I just didn't want him to know that nor anyone for fear that like all the others I loved, they would be snatched away. My Dad. Alex. Liz. There's so little left in my life and my heart is cold from being alone I just couldn't bear to have anyone else go.  
  
"Well, I couldn't and I wasn't sure whether I'd find him anyway. Everyone was so busy and I didn't want to bother anyone. Besides, who cares?"  
  
"Are you kidding?! You'd think Liz, Max or Isabel wouldn't be concerned about you or what's been going on in your life." And I note that he excluded himself from the list and I feel colder like the hole in my chest was just picked at to make it bigger. I sat on the hood of the Jeep, which I knew annoyed Max because he didn't want to have an imprint of my rear end immortalized on it so I get down and lean lightly instead. Michael settles right beside me but was afraid to be so close like I'm a leper or some other social outcast.  
  
"No. It doesn't matter what happened there. It was foolish of me to go anyway."  
  
"You found him?"  
  
"Yeah I met him."  
  
"And?" He nudges for me to go on but there are some things that I don't want to say because saying them out loud makes them all the more real. At least, if I didn't say anything or if I lied, I can pretend that it never happened but not with Michael. He has a way of ferreting the truth out. No matter how much it hurts or how much it doesn't make sense.  
  
I hesitate to tell but he sidles up closer, giving me this look which he knew I wouldn't be able to resist doing as he prods me to go on, "And..".  
  
"Well, the long and short of it is that he doesn't want to have anything to do with me. Apparently, he had a wife before coming to Roswell and knocking up my Mom. They were having marriage problems but they resolved everything a short time after. Actually, I have a sister and a brother. He's in college playing varsity football. I didn't get to see him though. Although, I did get to see my sister. Hmmm. I have a sister. Her name's Liz. Eliza Andrews. She's about eight and she's really perfect too in that suburban prep school way. Anyway, she came to the door as I was about to leave and asked who I was. He said, 'It was no one honey. Someone just asking for directions.'"  
  
"Oh god! Maria I'm sorry." And I couldn't stand to see the look of pity in his eyes.  
  
"That's fine. Hey, you know it was just as well. It cleared up a lot of things. At least I don't have to hold on to the false illusion, waiting around for him to come 'coz there's not going to be anyone. It's like I've put my life on hold without knowing it, waiting for someone to save me. From what? Roswell? Myself? Who knows? But you know what, I'm fine with that. I've got my Mom. I've got Liz well until she gets married anyway. Damn Max! And well let me see I've got Alex even though he's not here and I've got me. I'll be super fine. I'm Teflon baby and you know problem just slides off my back." I give out a shaky laugh. Guess my attempt at humor to deflect his pity wasn't working and we were quiet for awhile looking up at the sky. I follow this cloud move and wish that I could float away like that.  
  
I was the first to break the silence. "Hey Michael, promise not to tell anyone. My Mom didn't even know about it." I push myself from the Jeep's hood and turn to walk back to the passenger side, "So now that we've got my sob story out of the way, why don't we go to store before Liz gets our hide."  
  
He stops me from entering and says, "Maria, you don't have to be so brave. You have us."  
  
I sigh and feel more tired as I try to keep my voice even, "You're wrong. I have no one." And I go back to the jeep, settling into the passenger seat. He looks down at his shoe and jams his hands into the pockets of his jeans before following me back in. We didn't talk about anything after that. Well mostly about neutral things. All I remember was hearing his voice blocking out thoughts of my Dad and the pain that I went through for nothing. But the rest of the trip it seemed like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop and just when I thought that that was enough drama for the night as I stepped out of the Jeep, he holds my hand and says, "Maria, I hope that you get to find your happiness. Don't give up on that. It may not exactly be a fairy tale but things will work out. I used to think that there was no reason for me to stay and I did put my life on hold waiting for a ride back home. But see, I went through all that trouble to find out that it was closer than I thought. There's reason for me to be here just as there's some reason for you to be here as well. I'm not really good at this but I guess what I'm trying to say is that you'll find that when you least expect it, things fall into place. Maria, I don't know how to say this but I want you to know from me instead of hearing it from someone else. We are friends and we'll always be. You were the first reason why I felt that I truly belonged here but I'm - I'm seeing someone and she's made me feel like I've finally come home."  
  
I look at him and say in a flat voice that I don't even recognize as my own, "I'm happy for you." 


	2. Chapter 2

BELIEVING THE LIE  
  
TV Show: Roswell  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Roswell. In fact I don't own anything of value to anyone. I have no car. I live with my parents and about too many credit card bills. So there!  
  
Author's Note: First-time fanfic writer so please be kind.  
  
Rating: R for language  
  
Summary: M/M. Maria confronts issues in her life when she was forced to face them right after graduation and before Liz's wedding.  
  
Genre: Angst  
  
Chapter 2: Running Away  
  
Of course what am I supposed to expect?! Michael is technically a guy. Well a guy from outer space but nevertheless a guy's guy. He would've moved on and I can't just expect that he would pine away for me. That jerk! After all his "I'm a soldier and a soldier has got to be alone" speech, I finally house train him for someone else and it only took 2 months of me being away after graduation too! That jackass!?! Technically, guys are not big on waiting. It's just I can't help but think that Max would probably wait for however long it would take for Liz to take him back in. Then again may be not but they've been through a lot and he has never given up on her. Even when Liz had. He was right though. I broke up with him and though my pillow was wet for many nights thereafter, I had to act like this was not bothering me. I need to talk to someone but there was no one around. So I drive to Liz's and Max's place while they were fixing it up. It was just technically a week and a day from their wedding but what the heck, if she was busy, I'd probably go and just drive around instead. I find Max hammering in a picture into the wall and I wonder why he doesn't just use his powers to fix the place up. Well, I guess he didn't want to miss a thing so he's trying to be human. Lucky me, the only time Michael shows his human side is when he's being a jerk or when I'm being a bitch or professing undying love for someone else.  
  
I look at Max and Liz from afar and I just couldn't help it, I barged in there and said the first thing that came to my mind, "Hey Liz! Why don't we run away and tag along as groupies for Dave Matthews Band like we've always dreamed of?"  
  
They laugh. I'm not making a joke. I wonder why they think that. When I didn't respond to their show of jocularity, they figured that I was suffering from some kind of schizophrenic reaction to the wedding and Liz sat me down on the sofa, "Maria, where's all this coming from? What happened? Is it Michael?"  
  
For some reason I can't seem to stop my hands from shaking and Max decides to leave. Apparently to get away from witnessing my embarrassment or to give us a little privacy for a little girl talk. I really don't care which and I really don't know what to say so I just shake my head. "Ria, what's wrong? You go to New York without telling any of us. Then you come back and practically avoid being around. Now you want to become a groupie for Dave Matthews Band. Why?"  
  
"They have sad songs."  
  
"Huh? I don't get it." Liz sits down beside me and peers into my face.  
  
"Never mind." I squeeze my eyes shut so that the tears wouldn't fall but my voice betrays me. "He is seeing someone. Michael. But you probably knew that. He's gotten over me so quickly. I'm not even sure if he loved me at all and I love him. More than I can ever articulate or explain and all I'm thinking is that why this always happen to me?! I mean what should I expect, my own father never even liked me well enough to stay. Why would he be different? But you know what? I wished that whoever it was, he was going to be different. Michael is and I guess I never specified how different 'coz he is in an otherworldly way but very much an Adam cut from the same cloth. The problem is I've always told everyone and myself that our being transient doesn't bother me but it does and I just wish." and at this point, I couldn't go on. I was too choked with so much pent up frustration and anger and whatever that all I wanted to do was run and run. Maybe if I could run as fast as I can I'd be able to outstrip everything and leave it all behind me. But I was tired.  
  
"Oh sweetie! I'm sorry for being too caught up with the wedding and all, I never noticed. He was pretty much cut up when you left. Started every time he saw a girl like you thinking it was you Maria. It's not as if he didn't love you, it's just that he figured that you've moved on then so should he. We all thought that you'd want that for him as well. Can I ask you this though, if you did love him, why did you break up with him and leave him just like that?" Max reappears with a glass of water. He hands it to me and sits on the table before he speaks, "Maria, I'm really sorry about Michael." Dear sweet Max. Now why can't Michael be more like that? Because then he wouldn't be Michael. Liz had a point though but it doesn't make things easier.  
  
"Oh Max! It's not - you don't have to apologize. It's me. It's always been me. I'm sorry for barging on you like that. I just - " before I could finish the sentence, Michael walks in from the kitchen. Geez! Can't I at least have a breakdown without the superfluous embarrassment of having the object of my breakdown around?! The minute that our eyes locked, I knew he heard everything and I just couldn't take the ridiculousness of the situation anymore, I did the only thing I knew. I bolted out of their house and drove.  
  
I don't care where I'm going and I didn't even care to look back and see whether he chased after me. There's no point in finding out is there? My cellphone rings and I have to pick it up because my Mom might be asking after the Jetta. It was Liz and some perverse form of self-flagellation probably forced me to press the talk button but I did.  
  
"Hello Maria? Are you okay?"  
  
My voice is thick but I managed to answer her anyway, "Yeah."  
  
"You want to come back and talk about it? The boys are gone. I didn't know he was there and I was absolutely furious with Max for not telling me that he was in the kitchen."  
  
"Nope. I'll be fine. I'm fine. I'll figure this out. Thanks." So I hang up on Liz and turned the phone off. Where I want to be right now is far from everything that will remotely remind me of Roswell. So I head off into the desert. I often go to this place where there's a bunch of big rocks sticking out from the ground for two reasons. One because no one knows about it or at least I think no one knows about it and two because it reminds me so much of Michael when he had spiky hair. I don't think he'd be too happy knowing that though. He's always prided himself for his hair although I'm sure he doesn't want me to know. So I look at the stars and pick out the brightest one there but I don't know what to wish for so I wish for the one thing that would solve all these - I wish I couldn't feel anything.  
  
You know the saying "be careful what you wish for"? Well, it's not true. An hour of sitting on top of that rock didn't help me any. I pull my knees to my chest and rested my head on them when I was startled by a hand on my shoulder. Kyle's. "Maria DeLucca! Where you've been off to? Liz called the house and said that you left their place so distraught? Of course that got Mom thinking that you drove the Jetta off a cliff or something? Maria?"  
  
Having his Dad date my Mom allowed me to know him better and frankly Kyle wasn't all that bad. It's just that at this point I could use without another person asking me if I'm all right. Without bringing my head up, "Go away Kyle! I'm trying to wish myself away from this place and I've been having a lot of success convincing myself that I am somewhere else until you showed up. Somehow the concept of somewhere else doesn't include well anything Roswellian at all. Human or otherwise."  
  
"So DeLucca, bring out the lavender oil, take a long good sniff and let's head home? Liz is hysterical. Last I heard she wanted to get an APB out on you to all the county police if it weren't for Max knocking some sense into her. Michael is pacing at your house like a caged animal and growling at everyone asking him to sit down. I think he's worn a spot on the floor the size of an average crop circle and your Mom is threatening to turn him out if he won't stop since she put her best rug out. Now that you've gotten the most power beings in Roswell population agitated, why don't I drive you back and let me finish the season finale of Buffy the Vampire Slayer will you?"  
  
"I'd like to stay here, if it's all the same to you. Go ahead and tell them I'm fine. Whatever. I'd rather not go back home until Spaceboy is there." It was quiet for awhile and I thought Kyle had left when I heard him muttering under his breath trying to settle down in the ridiculously tight jeans that he is wearing right now.  
  
"Having problems with Michael again eh? Why you put up with that guy if it's too much trouble is beyond me. You are an amazing girl Maria and half the football team is asking for your number. I've been having problems decking them out. I mean, they can't talk like that about my stepsister - or at least soon-to-be stepsister. So what gives?"  
  
"Kyle, can I ask you a question?" My voice muffled and distant from not bringing my head up. I'm not too sure I'm ready to face anyone just yet.  
  
"Shoot. Ask me for I've been enlightened by the light of Buddha." At this point he manages to cross his legs in an awkward Eastern Asian posture, which probably looks good on Buddha but not on some guy with no sense of flexibility at all. But that's beside the point.  
  
So I look up and I had to laugh at him. Sometimes, it's so hard to reconcile the jock from the sensitive guy that he manages to switch back and forth but I'm glad for the humor to leaven the gravity of my feelings. "Kyle, am I the kind of girl guys would leave?"  
  
"What?! Who or what gave you that insane idea? You Maria DeLucca, are the kind of girl I'd be proud to bring home to my Dad. A girl for keeps. The guy who gives you up for any other girl aside from Buffy or that hot blonde chick in Smallville is probably daft or isn't of this planet. Ow!"  
  
I hit him on the shoulder quite hard unintentionally but I'm glad to have him around. He's like the brother I never had and with Alex gone, he sort of moved into position effortlessly. Not without a lot of reservation and gagging on my part at first. For the record, Kyle is a really nice boy. I'm not too sure he'd want that to get around though because he has to play this tough jock act at school but he is and the fact that he sat beside me and miss Buffy proves my point. He didn't have to stay but he did and I know how much he has the hots for Sarah Michelle Gellar. Not even Buddha or any form of enlightenment could induce him to miss an episode. He says it is edifying and intelligent entertainment against a counterpoint of female heroism. My guess is that it's all that ass-busting chick action in tight women's clothes that gets him glued like all the other blue-blooded guys around. Where was I? Oh yeah, Kyle is a really a nice boy. Look at how he has stood by Liz even when he had every right to be angry. There must be something about Liz that makes guys forget any atrocious act that she has committed. Much like Spike can forgive Buffy anything because Buffy is Buffy. It's something fundamental about these people. Everyone loves Sarah Michelle Gellar. Everyone loves Liz Parker. I'm thinking how if it were anyone but me in my shoes, my Dad wouldn't leave or that Michael would probably wait however long it took for me to grow some sense. But then again that's me and I can't be anybody else. The thought of that is too heavy for me to mull over without dinner nor lunch and so I bring my head back down to my knees. Kyle, bless his soul, put his arms around my shoulder and sat there in silence, patting my back as the occasional sob that I try to stifle becomes too hard to master. Then he goes, "Maria, I think it's time we head home." Which is why I let him lead me to the car and drive us both back. 


	3. Chapter 3

BELIEVING THE LIE  
  
TV Show: Roswell  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Roswell. In fact I don't own anything of value to anyone. I have no car. I live with my parents and about too many credit card bills. So there!  
  
Author's Note: First-time fanfic writer so please be kind.  
  
Rating: R for language  
  
Summary: M/M. Maria confronts issues in her life when she was forced to face them right after graduation and before Liz's wedding.  
  
Genre: Angst  
  
Chapter 3: Facing the Demons  
  
If I thought that Michael would have left by now, I was wrong. As I entered the house, Michael bursts on me and I've never seen him so angry.  
  
"Where the hell have you been? Did you know what your little stunt did to your Mom Maria? They had to give her tranquilizers to quiet her down. You didn't even call. Liz is at home so guilt-stricken she drove the Jeep around town looking for you with that cast on her ankle. Have you no consideration for the people who care about you? God, you are so f--, selfish!" He was shouting and he was red in the face, I thought he was going to have a coronary. At which point, Kyle steps in and tells him to butt out but I couldn't fight anymore and I just want to get as far away as I can from an angry Michael and a protective Kyle so I step in between the two sizing each other up and say, "Michael, are you done? Can I go now?"  
  
"Is that it?! That's what you are going to tell me. God I'm so sick of this." Somehow he manages to notice that I've been wedged between them. He looks down at me and I try to look away because I don't want him to see that I've been crying. But somehow this gets him angry and I get angry as well.  
  
"No one's asking you to stay Michael. In fact you're free to go and that goes for you too Kyle. Show's over."  
  
"NO! Let's get this out right here and right now." Michael grabs my arm and I'm afraid that he is thinking of yanking it out.  
  
So given what happened in the past couple of weeks, that kind of drama would pretty much leave anyone raw all over. First, my Dad's rejection and then this disappointment over Michael, which is both all my fault anyway. All my resolve to stay calm just evaporated and I found myself looking venomously at him, "Well, Michael, what do you want me to say? You want an apology perhaps? Or would you want me to profess my undying love for you that would probably go unrequited because you have already found Ms. Right? Oh wait a minute, I've been there and done that. In fact, I'm ahead of schedule. I should be saying that on the eve you decide to marry this great girl who has just made you realize that you Michael Guerin are in fact a human. So if you'd excuse me, the least that you could do is to let me go up to bed and sleep." And as I storm off in a huff, all I could think about was how I wished that I didn't have to get up again. I just want to sleep and sleep and never wake up. Lucky that my Mom keeps her belladonna in a locked box under her bed because I had half a mind to find out how much I could cram down my throat just about now. The next day was no different. Not only did I feel like I was run over by a truck but the migraine I've been nursing since I got back from New York has decided that it was time to exert itself in full force.  
  
I was slightly disappointed that it was only 8:30 in the morning as I squinted through the sunlight streaming in my window. I was hoping that I have slept the entire day or even possibly overslept to miss Liz's wedding six days away but as luck would have it I'm awake. My short-term goal was to avoid Michael and it turned out to be easy. I imposed a self- incarceration and only went out for forays into the world of the living for things that I couldn't avoid like medication for the flu which I think I'm coming down with and the rehearsals. Surprisingly, Michael was not there. Liz probably arranged it so that we didn't have to see each other until the day of the wedding. So thinking that it was all safe, I went to the local mall to shop for aromatherapy oils. As I was looking at rows and rows of bottles at the shop, I remembered that I needed to buy belladonna for my migraine, which was getting worse every day particularly after waking up.  
  
"Excuse me Sir. I'd like to buy a bottle of belladonna leaves. I wonder if you could ring it up with my lavender oil."  
  
"I'm sorry but we don't sell much of it because we only just realized watching Discovery that it is a lethal poison and you would need a prescription."  
  
"Oh but it's only fatal if you give it in large doses." I said to reassure the owner but he must have thought that it was extremely strange that I knew so I hastened to add, "I only use it for my migraines because most over-the-counter drugs don't work."  
  
"May be you should cut back on caffeine or black tea." A familiar voice says right behind me and without turning around I know who it is.  
  
"I'd appreciate it if you'd stop meddling with my business, thank you!"  
  
The old owner then looks from Michael standing behind me to me and handed my purchase, "I'm sorry but we can't sell you belladonna. The last time someone bought from me, they were intending to use it for suicide. Some girl about your age who got left by his man. Though, I didn't know about that until I saw it on the local paper, I can be held accountable for selling without prescription. I'm sorry miss but you might want to try somewhere else."  
  
Ugh! Now Michael will think that I'm contemplating suicide. Great! And as I turned around to leave, I was swept away by the most horrendous migraine attack ever. I noticed that this happened a lot when I got back. At the rate this is going, I at least have an excuse to leave town permanently. As I swayed on my feet, Michael grabs me by the elbows and takes my packages from me. He leads me to an outdoor café and sits me down on the chair.  
  
"Have you had that migraine long?"  
  
"About a month or two. I don't really recall."  
  
"May be you should have that checked."  
  
"Yeah well, it's probably nothing. I have to go." As I stand up the world seemed to sway all around me and I had to sit abruptly back down. Michael was yet there again to catch me and I look away. "You don't have to do that all the time."  
  
"Do what?"  
  
"Catch me when I'm about to fall. You're not going to be there all the time anyway. I'm going to have to learn how to cope."  
  
"Damn Maria! You are relentless you know that? You make me sick, making such a big thing about everything. Is this some game that you play huh? You push people away to make them leave you so that when they do you can come back and say, 'Oh look! See I'm only Maria de Lucca who no one can love. Little Maria whose Dad left her to have another family. Little Maria who went to New York to find her Daddy so that he could hurt her again.' Well Maria! You got what you wished for and I hope you're happy."  
  
Ow, that was harsh. Granted that Michael was insensitive and he has hurt me more times than I could count but this was too much. I wished I could hurt him as much as he hurt me with what he said but I don't have that power anymore as I look at him and know that he has moved on. So I stand up and say the first thing that comes to mind.  
  
"May be I tried to push you away so that you wouldn't be able to hurt me when you actually decide on your own to leave which you did pretty much faster than I could bolt past the New Mexico stateline. Now that you have, I'm glad you're gone so that I don't have to make YOU sick anymore."  
  
"Maria, wait I'm sorry. I -"  
  
And I just had to get out of there before I lose whatever lunch I had. As in literally. I was in such a hurry that I didn't know that I ran right smack into Kyle who was there with Liz and Max and probably heard everything because Guerin said those words loud enough for people in Kentucky to hear it.  
  
"Hey Maria, what's up? Or should I say, you with Michael again?"  
  
"Kyle, I'm sorry. I just. Please let me go."  
  
"You went to see your Dad? Why didn't you tell Amy? And here I thought we were your family. Then, you had to go tell that ratboy over there so he could use it against you. Honestly Maria, you have to find out who you could really tell that kind of information to without having to worry that that person would come back and stab you in the back with it!"  
  
I see Kyle looking at Michael like he could deck him clear across Pluto from where we were standing and I just want to disappear for a while so I could process what I should do with my life. Try telling that to a jock blocking your way though so I looked at him and when he figured that I wouldn't give an answer, he strides off to where Michael was standing crestfallen. Then he says loud enough for everyone to hear, "You go near Maria again and I'll kill you, you sorry son of a bitch."  
  
After that disastrous meeting in the mall's outdoor café where half of the Roswell population is - the other half being in the Crashdown normally - I was more careful to limit my going out. People heard the entire thing and started the entire community talking so naturally my Mom knows that I basically went to New York to meet my Dad and got a warmer response from frozen pizza but heck, there's not much of my reputation to save. So people would understand that I dare not go out. I did go to Liz's wedding rehearsal the day after that but the looks of pity from the people around and from Liz was more than I could bear so I had to beg off the other rehearsals. I told her to write me the details of what I'd have to do and I'd access it through my e-mail. What's there to learn? All I have to do was walk down the aisle anyway. Not like anyone would have their eyes on me. I was half contemplating on moving somewhere else even before Liz's wedding but what's five more days and 15 hours of enduring the looks and whispers of Roswell. I wouldn't have to endure it for long though because I've basically decided to leave for good and do something else. Be somewhere else or better yet be someone else. My Mom took to the suggestion kindly and even chipped in some money. I saw this mission to Ethiopia and signed up for it. May be working for someone else whose life is more miserable than mine can take my mind away from my misery right? Of course, I didn't tell my Mom that. All she knows is that I've been itching to do something with my life other than veg out and enlist for college classes. So, I've finally scheduled to leave a couple of days after Liz's wedding but I'll be shipping my stuff to California and I could wait there at my grandparent's house until I fly off to Africa.  
  
Nevertheless, on the 3rd day of my self-imposed incarceration, my Mom was seriously worried about my state of mind. I told her that I'm staying home so much because 2 years away in Ethiopia and I'd even start to miss her cooking. But my Mom was smart enough to see through that. So when she got it into her head that I needed fresh air, there's no way I could go around and not do it. She started badgering me about going out for a full day and since I could take no more of her haranguing and hand-wringing anymore than I could take the whispers that follow me wherever I go, I finally broke down and said yes.  
  
It would have been funny if not for the fact that all I wanted to do was stay curled up in my room and watch Oprah all day. If I lay off on the television one minute, I'd start bawling my eyes out. There was a time when my Mom threatened to have me chained to the bed for being out too much but this new hermit she doesn't know and she coaxes me to go watch a movie with Liz or go have a night life with Kyle and his friends to which I say what night life, short of throwing me out of bed herself. Then she tries to bring out the credit card and tell me about this new place with the really awesome "olfactory" experience but she just doesn't get it that I don't want to leave my room. So to stop her from driving me crazy for real, all I'd have to do is pretend that I'm meeting Liz in the mall - she'd never figure out to check if it's true anyway - and walk around the block for awhile and creep up my room through my window. God knows I've seen Michael do it countless of times, I could do the same thing. Walking around would give me a good half hour or so and may be I could have some peace. Then again, proving that a mother's intuition is really otherworldly, so she actually calls Liz to verify (Surprise! Surprise!) and finds out what I've planned. So thirty minutes after, Liz and Isabel are at my door pounding and an hour later we are at the mall at the scene of the crime no less.  
  
"So Maria, why can't you stop beating yourself up about Michael?!" God! Trust Isabel to say that. I think tact was left out of these Czechoslovakians' genetic make-up. That and compassion. What's it with these species and me anyway?! It's like I always end up bringing their sado-masochistic side because God knows they're not like that with Liz or with Alex.  
  
"Isabel, we promised not to talk about you-know-who? And can you cut Maria some slack?! She was the one hurt here." Liz is such a dear and I'm glad I didn't run off before her wedding. I wouldn't want to ruin things for her.  
  
"Liz, you can say his name. I feel like frigging Harry Potter with you- know-who and he-who-must-not-be-named thrown for emphasis to de-emphasize that I am alone as yet again. Michael is Michael. Isabel you're from his planet so I think you've heard his side and that's that. I don't want to expound on any of it."  
  
"Well, you were wrong to break up with him. The girl he's been seeing may be nice and perfect but she's not you Maria."  
  
"ISABEL?!" Liz's eyes wide as the mumbo mug of cappuccino in front of me.  
  
"Liz would you let up. I meant that in a good way." Isabel tosses her hair over her shoulder and I wonder whether she really is that devoid of evil.  
  
I try to make light of it seeing how it's making both of them tetchy. "What?! That I'm mean and flawed? Well, Isabel thanks, I guess."  
  
"Geez! You know what I mean."  
  
"Girls, can we not talk about it?" I've had enough. Enough about talking things out until my ears bleed from hearing about how Michael doesn't deserve me at all. If I wanted more of that I would've talked to Kyle.  
  
So the conversation became more or less normal after that if you call talks about flowers and wedding stuff normal. But at least I didn't have to talk about the part about my Dad or Michael or whatever else remotely disappointing as that. I was glad for the diversion. Glad to see Liz so happy and laugh at Max's antics to prove that he can cook just like any normal guy which is not to say that he knew that much. It was the first time that I was glad to be back home until someone came to burst my bubble. Who's my favorite comeback alien? If only it were Alf or those guys from Third Rock from The Sun but it's Michael with some tall, waiflike ingénue who looks strangely like Liz. I would've felt better if she was blonde but she couldn't have looked so unlike me and I know this is it. Michael has always preferred blonds but for him to deviate from that means it must be pretty serious not just some lame-assed attempt to get some chick to parade in town like a Maria clone.  
  
"Hey girls! Mind if Carla and I join your table?"  
  
I don't know which was funnier, seeing Liz and Isabel gape at Michael like he grew horns and a tail or see Michael look like he was found standing over a body with a knife in his hand. Apparently, Michael never showed her any pictures of us when we were together because she just scooted over to my side and sat down.  
  
"Uhm Carla! I think we should go. " Turning to Liz and Isabel, he tells them, "I didn't know you had company. I don't mean to intrude or anything."  
  
Company? He says that like I'm some distant aunt from the south come a- ringing to Ms. Scarlett's home. God! I hate him. Then again, I love him. So while the silence was getting to be pretty much uncomfortable I pray that someone better say something quick. Apparently, everyone was too scared to breathe so I guess it was all left to me. "Wait Michael! It's fine. She just sat down and it would be rude to turn her away. I'm Maria. Carla right? I'm sorry not getting to know you but well, I have to go, my Mom is probably looking for me and I have to go pack. The moving van is bringing my stuff to California tomorrow." I was going to do what I do best which was to leave when Liz took that brilliant opportunity to start questioning me about where I was going. Why couldn't we have talked about it when Michael wasn't around?  
  
"You never told us you were leaving?" Liz and Isabel looking at me like I'm about to break into a million pieces which is not entirely false but I wanted them to at least act as if this is no biggie.  
  
"Uhm, I thought I did. Didn't I tell you that I was going to stay at my grandparent's house in California after your wedding? Oh yeah! Guess I didn't. I meant to but then I got interrupted. I mean, I don't really mind. Well I was going. Yeah leaving. Flying a plane. Well, not so much flying a plane than riding behind the pilot. Well, not exactly behind 'coz that would make it first class and you know that'll never happen in this lifetime. I meant flying coach." Anytime, now some merciful being from heaven should stretch his hand forth and make me shut up. The next best thing right now aside from having Michael back again would be if I could stop acting like such a retard in front of Michael's girlfriend. I wanted to move but apparently all motor skills have left my body except surprisingly for my mouth. So I stand there grinning like an idiot, twisting my handbag's strap until it looked like I wanted to cut off oxygen supply to my right half of my body. No wonder I couldn't move.  
  
"But you're going to be back a month after that right? Max and I would be back from Europe."  
  
"Uhm not really sure. I'm flying off to Ethiopia. Two years. I'll probably be burnt crisp but at least I'd be tanning myself naturally and for free while I get to help people. So it isn't such a bad deal. They need medical assistants there and I don't have formal training but it's this non-profit org so they couldn't be that picky about who volunteers. So they agreed to let me join their little posse. Although I had to sign a waiver that I promise not to kill anyone intentionally." I laugh shakily at my attempts at humor which falls flat yet again. I used to be really funny but I must have lost it ever since the pod squad appeared and monopolized our life. After they came, I was just plain nervous which people translated to being funny. How wrong did they turn out to be?  
  
Carla says, "Wow Maria! You're so sweet. I think that's great!"  
  
Michael then looks at me for the first time since he made an appearance that night and said, "Why are you doing this? Is it because of me? Of what I said?"  
  
I can't believe the gall of this guy?! He manages to say that while the love of his life is there looking at me, finally realization dawning on her face. Yup, that's me Maria. Liz's best friend. Michael's ex. Can someone give this girl a synopsis of our on-again, off-again non- relationship relationship while she processes everything because clearly our story is a 404 for her?  
  
"Michael, not everything is about you." Then I leave trying to look as regal as Joan Collins on Dynasty until I tripped on the way out and knocked an entire row of salt and pepper shakers to the floor. "Here's a fifty. Put that on my tab." Smooth Maria. That was real smooth. 


	4. Chapter 4

BELIEVING THE LIE  
  
TV Show: Roswell  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Roswell. In fact I don't own anything of value to anyone. I have no car. I live with my parents and about too many credit card bills. So there!  
  
Author's Note: First-time fanfic writer so please be kind.  
  
Rating: R for language  
  
Summary: M/M. Maria confronts issues in her life when she was forced to face them right after graduation and before Liz's wedding.  
  
Genre: Angst  
  
Chapter 4: The Aftermath  
  
The wedding went well. Michael was the best man. It was really ironic because I get to be the maid of honor, which would mean we would have to walk down the aisle together. Thank god for eidetic memories though because this is probably as good as it gets for me and I could commit every detail to memory. Unless of course Kyle decides to marry and invites Michael to be my partner but I don't see any more aisle-walking in our destiny either together or apart. Well, he may still get a chance to do it but I don't think I ever would. Happy endings happen to princesses and reformed villainesses. So, if Tess were alive she'd probably get to have a happy ending but things like those don't happen to comedic sidekicks. Comedic sidekicks get one perfect day to serve as something to remember their loved ones by and pretend that the one walking down the aisle was them and not the protagonist with the dramatic dark hair and soulful brown eyes. So was I jealous of what Liz had then? Much.  
  
Liz was absolutely gorgeous and I think Max thought so too because he was standing there like his jaw was permanently glued to the floor. No FBI. The world didn't come to an end and no invading force from Antar came to ruin the entire thing. Though Isabel and Mrs. Parker was crying to flood the entire desert out. But no nothing catastrophic happened. One catastrophic thing happened though when Liz threw the bouquet and it landed on my feet. Lying there on the ground made me think of cemeteries which was a metaphor for where all my dreams have ended up but I couldn't be melancholy. It wasn't the time nor the place so I picked it up and acted like the old Maria they knew. A performance like that could make anyone tired and I excused myself from the party to go home and nurse my headache. I managed to sneak out and I didn't think anyone noticed because Isabel was dancing with Jesse, Michael and Carla was gone (probably making out somewhere), Liz was slow-dancing with Max and Kyle managed to hook up with some pretty happening babe to his credit who looked oddly like Tess except that she had dark hair. Not that anyone would notice that I went out. I went over and asked Mom for the keys to the Jetta and assured her that I felt fine but I had some packing to do. Note to self though, acting is definitely a career I could get into if I could fool my Mom that well but something tells me that Sheriff Valenti singing onstage had more to do with my Mom believing me enough to stay for the rest of the party than thespianic skills.  
  
"Ms. DeLucca trying to sneak out without saying goodbye? Is that a wedding cake bulging from your purse?"  
  
I whirled around in surprise and dropped the key to the car.  
  
"Who? Who is there?"  
  
"Hey Maria! It's me Michael." As he steps out of the shadows. "I'm sorry I scared you. Where you off to so early?"  
  
"Don't do that! I nearly had a coronary. Ow!" It was just then that the headache started to re-assert itself. As I massaged my temples and got on my knees to look for the key at the same time.  
  
Michael thinking that I probably collapsed caught my arm, "I'm really starting to get worried about that headache of yours and I noticed how thinner you got since graduation. Is there anything wrong?"  
  
"No, why should there be anything wrong? You made me drop my key. It's dark and I feel like there are about ten mini-Michaels in combat boots dancing a rig in my head."  
  
"Why honey, I didn't think you'd like to have 10 kids but I'd be happy to oblige."  
  
"Michael, are you drunk? Have you been conked on the head? That's not what I meant. Will you please stop talking and get down on your knees to help me find the key!"  
  
"Well, I don't know about that but I like the view from up here."  
  
"Michael Guerin, you help me right now or I tell Carla you're secret. Unless of course you've already told her yourself"  
  
Michael sighs and his breath in the cold November air makes artistic ringlets as it escapes him, "Fine."  
  
After scraping my knee and Michael hitting his head on the bumper of the Jetta, he did manage to find it. "Eureka! Got it!"  
  
"Good. Give it to me so I could go home."  
  
"Nope."  
  
"What do you mean nope? I am not in the mood for playing games." I reach over but he dangles the key above my head where I couldn't reach it.  
  
"Guerin, you give that back or I swear you'd wish that you took that last flight back to wazoo instead of staying here."  
  
"Didn't I do enough regretting that I stayed already? I'll only give it to you if you promise to go with me."  
  
"Have you really lost your mind? Did too much aerosol in freshman year finally screwed your brain? HOW DAFT DO YOU REALLY THINK I AM?! I got into trouble the last time you coerced me to go with you on some wild goose chase. Michael Guerin you give that back or I'll tell Sheriff Valenti that we need to lock you up on drunken behavior."  
  
"Maria first off, I'm not drunk. I've never been sober in my entire life than right now. Two, we're not going off on a wild goose chase because I just want to ask you a question."  
  
"Well can't you ask me here?"  
  
"Nope. So are you coming voluntarily or should I take you by force?"  
  
I look at him skeptically and wonder for a minute whether this could be Rath or some other Michael knock-off because I seriously don't need that right now. I set my mouth into a thin line and cross my arms over my chest. Whatever stunt he's up to, Michael Guerin is on his own. "No"  
  
"No what?"  
  
"No. Whatever it is you're going to ask me, my answer is no. No, I'm not going to give my kidney to you. No I'm not going to be Carla's maid of honor when you get married and I seriously don't think that we should spawn little Michaels and little Marias given the circumstances. No I'm not going to Ethiopia because of you. Okay?"  
  
"So why are you? What are you running away from? Or should I say who?"  
  
"Me. Michael. I'm running away from me and every stupid thing that reminds me of what a failure I've become. Happy? Yet another breakdown episode from Maria to convince you that you've got a good girl now who is probably inside looking for you so go."  
  
"Why do you keep pushing me away? Can't we at least be friends?" The way he says it sends goosebumps up my arm. I would be his anything but I had to have more pride than that. It was a good thing I didn't get to answer that because I would have said yes even if it made me miserable. Trust good ole' Kyle to make his way out with the Tess-droid on his arm.  
  
"Guerin! Are you harassing Maria again? Maria is this guy bothering you?"  
  
"No. No Kyle. We were just talking. Good bye Michael." I get into the car and drive off. 


	5. Chapter 5

BELIEVING THE LIE  
  
TV Show: Roswell  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Roswell. In fact I don't own anything of value to anyone. I have no car. I live with my parents and about too many credit card bills. So there!  
  
Author's Note: First-time fanfic writer so please be kind.  
  
Rating: R for language  
  
Summary: M/M. Maria confronts issues in her life when she was forced to face them right after graduation and before Liz's wedding.  
  
Genre: Angst  
  
Chapter 5: Landing on my Feet  
  
It was strange but it was a good kind of strange. I made the most of my time saying good bye to the places and people in Roswell not that I ever thought I wouldn't want to come back but I knew it would be a long time before I ever did. Liz was a peach and so was Max because they delayed their flight so we get to go on the same day. I spent as much time with Liz as Max would allow considering that they were newly-weds and it hit me for the first time that this was it. I've always known that good things will never last. Like Max, Isabel or Michael could get hurt or they could find a way home but the point is that I knew we will not be lucky enough to stick together for long. But never in a million years did I think I would be doing the leaving. So in a way it was a bittersweet victory if you could call it.  
  
Michael went around with a long face sans Carla and I think we bumped into each other more often than I think is necessary. If I didn't know any better, I would think that he is following me but the circumstances point otherwise. Of course, Kyle is still mad at Michael and avoids being around when he is and vice versa. So I've made it a point to have Kyle with me at all times which is mean of me but I don't think I could handle another post- mortem discussion with the guy about our doomed relationship. I swear you get Guerin to stop being a brick wall and he will obsessively talk about certain things to death not that it has happened much between us. Although, I do get the feeling that when he has the chance he'll probably bring it up again.  
  
I'm actually excited about going to Ethiopia. I've been corresponding with this young doctor in Chicago who is going to come along on the mission. She is about a few years older than me but still quite young. Lucy Knight. That's her name. She had a pretty interesting life so far. I learned that she had some sick patient rough her up and another doctor. She got stabbed and they both nearly died. I could tell that apart from liking the other doctor that was involved in that unfortunate incident she sort of blamed herself for the entire thing. I guess we were both looking for the same thing which is why I felt at ease with her even before we met. We both just wanted to get away. We both had unfortunate events happening in our lives coinciding with some major personal issues. We both don't know our fathers that well and we are both into healthcare - though her line of expertise is more on the scientific while mine is more alternative, for lack of a better term. But the biggest similarity I think is that we both are going to start anew and that for me makes the trip scary but easier to bear because there is someone who is on the same journey as I am.  
  
A couple of days before my flight I decided to head off to the aromatherapy store that I normally frequent to stock up on my supplies and unfortunately good ol' Kyle decides to be a guy and ditch me for the Tess clone that he has been going out with since Liz's wedding. So I have to go to the store alone that may possibly mean that I will bump into Michael before the day ends. But it's either that or I go without peppermint oil for my migraine and the choice is pretty much apparent. I borrow the Jetta and drive myself to the mall. May be if I go at an odd hour, I wouldn't have to see Michael, Carla or any of the others. So I chose an hour when Michael is more likely to be found at work. Good thing I didn't bet on it because if I gambled my entire pocket money on that fact, I would be selling my Mother just to get a plane ticket out of Roswell.  
  
I knew it as soon as I heard the bell from the aromatherapist's store that Michael was behind me. Something about the air just crackles when he is around that I don't need to turn around to get a visual to confirm it.  
  
"Maria, can we please talk?"  
  
I close my eyes and take a deep breath before turning around, "Michael, I'm really in a hurry. I have to prepare some stuff and ."  
  
"Please." And the way he said it was enough to send tingles up my arms. "Please, Maria. I promise to have you home before 11. I just need to talk to you for whatever time you can spare. I know I've messed up and I just... need you. I need you to listen"  
  
I should say no. But when he's looking like that like I killed his frigging best friend, I can't tell him otherwise. So against my better judgment, I tell him, "Okay Michael. Why don't we go have coffee?"  
  
He takes my purchases from me, which he never did willingly even when we were together and that alerts me to the fact that what he may say could potentially wreak havoc once again to my life or at the very least my immediate plans but I have to do this. So I try to brace myself for whatever it is he is up to because I kind of get the feeling that whatever I decide on will affect not just my relationship with Michael but everything else that will follow.  
  
So I find myself facing him across this tiny table and suddenly wish that the distance between us was much bigger. I even wished that I was on a plane to Ethiopia. Sure I'd be missing everyone but at least I'd be as far away from him as possible. He sits there without saying a word and what's worse without looking at me that I tell myself that if he doesn't do anything in the next few minutes, I would just get up and leave.  
  
"Look Michael, if you really don't have anything important to say then I think I should get back and finish up with my packing." I start to stand up and the waiter decides its time to make an entrance.  
  
"Sir, what would you have?"  
  
"Maria, wait!" as he reaches out and grabs my hand. "I'll be having a double espresso and some Tabasco sauce, please."  
  
"And the miss will have?"  
  
"Maria please. Just spend some time with me."  
  
I sigh and decide to sit down and tell the waiter to bring me some water as I take out an Advil from my purse.  
  
"You still having those headaches? Why don't you have that checked?"  
  
"I already did but the doctors didn't find anything."  
  
"May be Max can take a look at it for you. Or maybe I could -" he reaches out to my head  
  
"NO! Don't." As I try to avoid his touch. "Don't touch me."  
  
"I'm sorry! If my very presence repulses you so much then any other form of contact would probably repulse you as well."  
  
"Michael, let's not fight. It's not that. It's . I didn't want to tell you this but when you touch me, you sort of leave an imprint in my mind and I hear you in my head. I . don't need that when I'm there."  
  
"How come you never told me?"  
  
"I didn't want to bother you for some piddling thing at first and I didn't mind. I liked having you in my head even when we broke up because I at least had something to remember you by that wouldn't need 9 months of weight gain and heinous labor problems thereafter."  
  
"Are you telling me that .you're pregnant?" and I note that his eyes widen. He moistens his lips and I know that he only does that when he is upset but trying not to show it.  
  
"God no! What makes you think that? I just ."  
  
"Because if you are, then wouldn't you think that going to a civil war-torn country would be bad for our child? You don't have to run away, I am willing to hold my end up of the responsibility."  
  
"Jesus Michael! What?! Didn't you hear what I said? First off, if I were expecting a baby what makes you so sure that it is your child? But more importantly, I am NOT pregnant okay?!"  
  
"Well then what's with the headaches? The weight loss. The avoiding everyone like the plague?"  
  
"Okay. Here's the deal. I've always had these headaches since I was a kid. I used to be sick a lot but then I outgrew it. My Mom tried a lot of herbal stuff and it cured me okay. Although lately I don't know why it's back. Secondly, I just don't feel like eating anything. I'm thinking about my Dad and thinking about my life. Somehow food doesn't hold the same interest for me as it did in the past but I'll get over it. Third, I am not avoiding everyone."  
  
"Yeah, just me." He looks glum and if I could see auras right now maybe Michael's would be thick waves of amber. "Look, I'm going to say some things and I don't really expect you to feel any differently or decide any differently. I just need to say them so I'd appreciate it if you would hear me out."  
  
I lean back and cross my arms against my chest because I sort of know what's coming and yet I don't. It's strange because the air is just alive with energy it's almost cracking around him and I can sense everything he is feeling. Pain. Despair. It's almost overwhelming that I couldn't concentrate on what he was saying. To his credit, I think he is making an ardent plea but I can't seem to focus on the words that he's saying. It's like as the words leave his mouth it becomes decoded into sound that I can't decipher. I shake my head and squeeze my eyes shut and the next thing I know, he is looking at me with concern written all over his face. "Maria are you okay?"  
  
I can't breathe. He reaches out and my hands are gripping the sides of the tables so hard. He tries to pry it and take my hands into his but I can't move them. "Michael." I can't even say the words right out. "Michael. Can't breathe."  
  
And that's the last I know because everything went black. 


	6. Chapter 6

BELIEVING THE LIE  
  
TV Show: Roswell  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Roswell. In fact I don't own anything of value to anyone. I have no car. I live with my parents and about too many credit card bills. So there!  
  
Author's Note: First-time fanfic writer so please be kind.  
  
Rating: R for language  
  
Summary: M/M. Maria confronts issues in her life when she was forced to face them right after graduation and before Liz's wedding.  
  
Genre: Angst  
  
Chapter 6: Barely Breathing  
  
"She's going into shock. Everybody. CLEAR!"  
  
Busy. Too busy. What a strange sensation. I'm clearly somewhere and then I see my Mom on the curb asking my Dad to stay.  
  
"Come on. Stay with me! Stay with me! One more round. CLEAR!"  
  
Too bright. Who are all these people? I want my Mommy. I hear them but I can't move and I can't speak. I remember I came in with someone but I don't remember who he is. HELP! Somebody, I'm here. Why can't anybody hear me?!  
  
"Who brought her in?"  
  
"Some guy says he's her boyfriend. He's over there."  
  
"Okay. Work with her. I'll talk to him."  
  
"Mr."  
  
"Guerin. Michael Guerin. How is she?"  
  
"Well Mr. Guerin. We are trying our best but it's difficult to tell what's wrong. Do you know if she's suffering from some kind of seizure, or if she's allergic to anything? Is she currently taking any medication?"  
  
"No. I . I. she was fine and then all of a sudden she can't breathe. The next thing I know she was on the floor and I . please. save her. Please, you have to. I can't ."  
  
"Do you know if she has a heart condition Mr. Guerin?"  
  
"As far as I know Maria has been quite healthy except for the migraines that she's been complaining about the past couple of months. Please, can you do something?"  
  
"Michael, is it? Well, rest assured that we are doing everything we can for her. I think the best that you could do is to wait while we run some tests. Her mother is listed as her next of kin. She has been contacted and I think it would be best if you went home for awhile and got some rest.  
  
"Michael! Where's Maria? Doctor, I'm Mrs. DeLucca, Maria's mother. How's my baby?"  
  
'Well ma'm, we're doing the best we can. We've never seen anything quite like this. All signs seem to indicate that she is a healthy girl except that her heart has slowed for some reason. Does Maria have a history of arrythmia or did she have a congenital heart condition when she was younger?"  
  
"Oh my God! No! She was going to Ethiopia." 


	7. Chapter 7

BELIEVING THE LIE  
  
TV Show: Roswell  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Roswell. In fact I don't own anything of value to anyone. I have no car. I live with my parents and about too many credit card bills. So there!  
  
Author's Note: First-time fanfic writer so please be kind.  
  
Rating: R for language  
  
Summary: M/M. Maria confronts issues in her life when she was forced to face them right after graduation and before Liz's wedding.  
  
Genre: Angst  
  
Chapter 7: Coming to Grips  
  
It was dark out when I came to. If not for the soft light, I couldn't make out anything at all. Then I see him sitting in the corner, his head bowed and shoulders hunched forward. I was hoping, he'd be gone and I wouldn't have to explain what's going on because it's easy enough to tell him what but I don't have any answers for why. Not even after all these years.  
  
''Hey there. Don't go soft on me Spaceboy. I don't do drama that well.'' I try to make light of the situation but it comes out flat because my voice was too soft and scraggly like I just woke up with a head cold. Even before my Mom comes in with the attending physician, I know it's back.  
  
He looks up startled, straightens out and pulls his chair nearer my bed. "How are you feeling?"  
  
I couldn't resist goading him and I raise an eyebrow in what I hoped looked indulgent but incredulous. Michael rakes his fingers through his hair and he looks just like that time we were on our first road trip together. He clears his throat, ''Okay. Scratch that. Stupid question. Do you want anything? Are you comfortable?''  
  
I can sense that he is getting nervous, like he's afraid I might die on his watch. So I have to be the calm one, much as I'd like not to pass up on this chance to piss him for some reason.  
  
''Relax Michael. Where's my Mom?" I try to sit up but I couldn't and I have to accept his help. The effort leaves me short of breath.  
  
"Do you want me to call her?"  
  
I shake my head. "Sick sinus syndrome."  
  
"What?"  
  
"It's a heart dysfunction common in older folks where the heart is in flux and behaves erratically. I've had it since I was a kid. But then there are ways in which it could be controlled so it's no biggie. They first pegged it to be sinus bradycardia - it's like when your heart beats slower than usual. Nothing to worry about 'coz it just means my heart is efficient at pumping out the juice and all." I try to grin at him but it somehow misses the effect that I've been aiming at considering that I'm lying prone instead.  
  
"Oh God." His voice quivers slightly at the end as he lets out a ragged breath, "How come you didn't tell me? Who knows?"  
  
"Well, it isn't that serious really. Lots of young people and athletes have sinus bradycardia and lead normal lives."  
  
He crosses his arms against his chest, "So if it isn't anything important, then how come you passed out? How come you're lying in a hospital bed? What aren't you telling me? I'm not a stupid little kid Maria."  
  
"Michael, this is why I never told anybody. I don't like people fussing or worrying about me. I'm fine." I catch my breath and Michael's brow furrows in thought. I'm not ready for this verbal judo. "As interesting as this conversation is to you, my medicines are probably kicking in. I don't want to be rude and boot you out but I'm really tired." I close my eyes and pretend to fall asleep.  
  
I remember reading in a book once how the eyes move rapidly from left to right in REM state and so I try to do that in hopes that Michael believes me but I can feel him watching me for a long time. I guess he was thinking he can catch me at my game but I've been an expert at this pretend-sleep. I used to do that before when my Mom would bring home her stray of drunkards and good-for-nothing bums she used to call her boyfriends - a collection of characters fashioned from a study of every woman in this world's moment of horrendous bad taste. Just another thing I should thank the Valenti men for. They saved my Mom and in a way they saved me.  
  
I didn't see or hear from Michael for two weeks. Not even after I checked out. My trip to Ethiopia was -- not surprisingly -- cancelled pending a better prognosis. I still intend to go to my grand-parents' for awhile under pretense of getting more sunshine -- not that Roswell wasn't hot enough already. Actually, I am going there to avoid Michael (yet again), which wasn't necessary to begin with because he was determined to make himself -- in a word -- scarce.  
  
By this time Liz and Max have left. Isabel was in a world of her own and Kyle was busy working two shifts to save up enough money to go to Michigan State. I'm glad that people are going on but I worry about Michael. I'm still holding out on the possibility of going somewhere far and making a difference there but I couldn't stand it if Michael ends up drifting to nowhere. I want him to do something and break through the inertia of his own making and I never got a chance to thank him. That and I feel guilty for being rude. For lying. For making a mess in his life yet again. So I look for him everywhere and find him at the topmost bleacher of Roswell High's football field in the middle of the day. You got to hand it to this guy because he knows I hate sweating and I'd never figure out where he'd be. But I am resolved and as I am coming from the opposite side of the field where he was sitting I know that he saw me. Between the distance and the height I'd have to scale I pretty much gave him every chance to walk out but he sits there, watching me as I come closer. So finally, sweaty and out of breath I reach him then he leans back and turns his head away from me  
  
I hold my hand up with my middle and ring finger apart in the universal Star Trek gesture, "Hey there. Waiting for Scotty to beam you up to your rock?" Okay, that was lame and low but it was worth a try.  
  
He looks at me, annoyed. Then blinded by the sun, he snaps his head back to some abstract point in the distance. Normally I know when to leave him alone and when he is looking like that, his brows drawn together in a scowl, I'd know better than to talk to him but this can't wait.  
  
"Oooh. The silent treatment. So what's the occasion?"  
  
He turns to me with his face inscrutable as it mirrors a myriad of emotions. Frustration. Anger. Regret. Pain. Fear. "Maria, so help me God, two things. One, will you need an operation to put in a pacemaker? And two, how come Max and Is knows but I, your "boyfriend"," and he makes air quotes while he says this, "-- okay I'm sorry -- EX-boyfriend don't know?"  
  
I'm surprised and consider suing Dr. whats-his-face for violation of doctor- patient confidentiality. Then I jump to the conclusion that Michael -- the idiot! -- may have broken in and stolen my records. I mean he's done it before. "Hey buster! What were you thinking?! You could've gone to jail for breaking and entering into a doctor's office. How could you go through personal records? My personal records at that?..." My voice raised. All thoughts of being the bigger person, being contrite was erased from my mind. How dare he?!  
  
He stands up in haste and snaps at me hotly "Relax Sherlock! I didn't do anything illegal. I looked up your condition on the internet which by the way you said was sinus bradycardia but when I looked it up guess what I found? Here let me read it to you." Michael fishes in his jean pocket a crumpled piece of paper and starts to read off it which I know by now means that I need not explain to him anything. " 'The most common cause of sinus bradycardia is sick sinus syndrome' and then I wondered. Wait, I remember you saying that you had that before and this brady-whatever was just a symptom of it and so, I read the rest. It says ' Patients with sick sinus syndrome have a relatively poor prognosis with 5-year survival rates in the range of 47 to 69 %'," He crumples the paper that he was reading and practically spits out the next words, "Jesus Maria! How long were you going to keep this from us? From me? And what are you so ruffled about? I used to know more about you INTIMATELY than that and it never bothered you before. So stop making it my fault and give me the truth!" Michael was coming closer at every word that our noses were only inches apart.  
  
I let out a feeble whistle. If it's one thing I should learn maybe I should learn to do that. It's funny what kind of thoughts come to mind at the most inappropriate time. Instead I say, "If you only used that researching skill while we were still in school. It's good to know that my being sick has done wonders that the American public school system can't." I smile but he doesn't smile back. Afraid to meet his gaze again, I sit down and study my hands on my lap, "We've been coordinating with a cardiologist in Chicago and we have to go there pronto which is the other reason why I'm leaving and why I've been looking for you. I came to say goodbye Michael."  
  
"What? When?"  
  
"I'm leaving tomorrow. I may be needing an operation very soon."  
  
"How soon? Are we talking days? Next week? Next month? What?"  
  
"Well, my doctor has been sending lab results to Chicago since I got brought in and the doctor there says it's a big probability that I would have to do that as early as possible... the thing is they're waiting for a better prognosis on my other tests."  
  
He squats in front of me, "What do you me an?"  
  
"I have low white platelet counts and doing an operation might be risky and I could bleed to..."  
  
Michael scrunches his eyes shut like he was trying his best to block out the words I'm saying, "Can't Max help you? Maybe I or Is can do something? I'm sure..."  
  
"Actually, don't be mad. That's the answer to your second question. Max and Isabel already know because Liz talked to them if they could help but when Max tried before I left for New York, it sort of made my heart go even slower. Isabel tried and the same thing happened."  
  
"Then why don't I try? Maybe ..."  
  
"NO Michael! That's why I didn't want you to do it? I didn't want you to beat yourself up when it doesn't work or to have your voice inside my head when it does work. I don't want to postpone what I know is inevitable. I don't want to get my hopes up because it gets really tiring pretending things'll work out fine, acting brave for Mom yet trying to believe in something that'll never come true."  
  
Michael wordlessly pulls me in his arms. I didn't even know that I had started crying. "Michael, I'm so scared."  
  
"God, Maria. So am I. I wish that I could do something - for all that we could do, why can't we fix this?" I feel his tears mix with mine. "Maria, I want to go with you. Please."  
  
"Michael. Don't. I need to do this on my own and I need you to go on and do something. Be someone. Live."  
  
"Stop saying that like it's good bye." He takes my face in his hands and brings our foreheads together, "Maria, promise me you'd come back"  
  
"I wish I could speak with that kind of certainty but to do so would be cruel and presumptous and ... the point is everything is half-chance Michael. So if things go great then that's fine but I need to know that when it doesn't it wouldn't be such a bad thing for those who are left behind. Promise me that whatever happens, I wouldn't be your unfinished business."  
  
Michael withdraws and just shakes his head. "Okay. But promise me one thing."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Promise me that you'll write every day and tell me the truth. No more hiding. No more lying. Just the facts." He stares into my eyes.  
  
"Okay." I stop and smile at him through my tears.  
  
"Okay but what?"  
  
"You sure you're going to read it? I mean Michael what's the chance of that happening when you were loath to pick up anything and read it, if it even meant 20 % of your grade. Sometimes I wonder how you were able to graduate."  
  
"Hey! Don't give me that. I read Ulysses. Whereas all you ever read was that teeny bopper magazine they sell at the grocery check out counter."  
  
Then he took my hand and led me out of the field as the sun was setting, harmless bickering back and forth just like we never stopped doing it. The only difference this time is that we refused to take ourselves seriously. 


	8. Chapter 8

BELIEVING THE LIE  
  
TV Show: Roswell  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Roswell. In fact I don't own anything of value to anyone. I have no car. I live with my parents and about too many credit card bills. So there!  
  
Author's Note: First-time fanfic writer so please be kind. spaceman@earthlink.net is supposedly Michael's email address. loco_over_lucca@yahoo.com is supposedly Maria's email address. Anyone who actually has that e-mail address is purely coincidental on my part. Research on the Sinus Bradycardia symptoms quoted by Michael in Chapter 7 was from emedicine.com I don't claim to be an expert on the medical field so please overlook whatever inaccuracies on the medical stuff.  
  
Rating: R for language  
  
Summary: M/M. Maria confronts issues in her life when she was forced to face them right after graduation and before Liz's wedding.  
  
Genre: Angst  
  
Chapter 8: Mail Call  
  
A month later.  
  
To: spaceman@earthlink.net  
  
From: loco_over_lucca@yahoo.com  
  
Subject: I'm ALIVE!  
  
Dear Michael,  
  
It's been a long time. Woooohooo! = ) Needless to say the operation went well. I have around a month of physical therapy and I can go back to Roswell, go to Ethiopia (I still want to go but I don't think my Mom would agree) or do whatever I want. Well pretty much anything I want as long as it doesn't do something to the pacemaker. So that means nothing too strenuous, which is just a tad too bad since there's a cute young doctor here who I wouldn't mind engaging in something strenuous with. Just kidding! = ) I've been smiling a lot lately and I'm really glad to be alive.  
  
I guess if there's one good thing about being sick was that it made me realize everything I wanted to do and actually giving me the reason to do it. So even if things are fine, I still think I should do it. I think you shouldn't ever put too much stock in waiting around for things to happen because you never know how much long you'd have. Okay, enough about that morbid stuff.  
  
What's up with you? How are you and Carla?  
  
Write me back,  
  
Maria  
  
-----  
  
To: loco_over_lucca@yahoo.com  
  
From: spaceman@earthlink.net  
  
Subject: RE: I'm ALIVE!  
  
Hey M,  
  
Well, Carla and I have decided to call it quits. But hey! Don't worry about me. It was time and we had an amicable settlement. She gets the fish and I get to have my life back. Can you tell I'm smirking? Seriously though, it was about time and we were just prolonging the agony. Lay off on the doctors there or I might just pop in and keep you in line.  
  
I've been taking night classes in Art History. Who knows I might just even go to college. It's funny that when you basically told me to stop frittering my life away, things sort of fell in place and I've always been interested in art. Oh and yeah! I fixed up my apartment. I think you'll like it. You might be wondering where I'm getting all my dough and nope it's not from robbing a bank. Give me a little credit. My night college professor saw my portfolio of doodles and the old geezer probably liked it because he got me a job commissioning art work and photography, cataloging art in the local museum. Nope it's not the Roswell Alien Art Exhibit either across Crashdown so don't look down on it. There are more than crackpot places here if you get past the X-files mumbo jumbo that people insist on touting about this town.  
  
Anyway, so this doctor? What's his name and should I get worried? I've been meaning to ask you something but it can wait.  
  
Michael  
  
4 months later.  
  
To: loco_over_lucca@yahoo.com  
  
From: spaceman@earthlink.net  
  
Subject: We interrupt this regular programming, for some news .  
  
Hey M,  
  
Max and Liz are back. Liz is pregnant and everyone is really excited. Well except for me of course. Heck, I mean what if the kid comes out with 12 tentacles and one big eye? How would they explain that to every body? I mean I wouldn't know what we looked like when we were kids. But it seems even Max isn't thinking straight about this. They went to a doctor and had a sonogram. They told me that I was being paranoid and that the kid definitely only had two legs and two arms. So what? I mean it could come out weird in some other way. What if it's blue? Or has ears at the back of its head?  
  
Everyone was waiting for you to come back but they understand that you have to stay there longer. Anyway, ever since I got a computer and have e-mail access at home, they've taken to reading over my shoulder and dictating things to say to you. Like what they're doing right now. BTW, Liz sends her love and Isabel wants to know whether you're seeing anyone there. I mean heck, why don't they write their own letter or get their own e-mail account and leave me in peace?  
  
So, what or who is keeping you there?  
  
Michael  
  
---  
  
To: spaceman@earthlink.net  
  
From: loco_over_lucca@yahoo.com  
  
Subject: RE: We interrupt this regular programming, for some news .  
  
Michael,  
  
Are you crazy?! Tell Liz, that's great news and I can't wait to be Aunt Maria. Don't worry about the baby though. I'm sure knowing, Max as well as we do, he'd have that covered.  
  
I had to delay the trip back though because there was a minor glitch with the pacemaker. Nothing major. Just a few tweakings because I was picking up extra frequency and now I could listen to the radio anywhere by opening my mouth. Kidding.  
  
Sorry this is going to be short because I have to go to the hospital again.  
  
Maria  
  
---  
  
To: loco_over_lucca@yahoo.com  
  
From: spaceman@earthlink.net  
  
Subject: RE: RE: We interrupt this regular programming, for some news .  
  
Maria,  
  
Are you holding out on me? Just the plain facts, ma'm. Nothing more. Nothing less.  
  
Michael  
  
---  
  
To: spaceman@earthlink.net  
  
From: loco_over_lucca@yahoo.com  
  
Subject: The Truth  
  
It's not because of my heart Michael. If that's what you think. Well it is in some part about my heart. I've spent a lot of time there when I was hospitalized and I got around to helping out at the kids' wards. You know entertaining them and stuff. Painting their toenails. = ) It's really heart-breaking to see those kids and it puts a lot of things in perspective. John, the doctor I was telling you about, said that I was great with kids and it does a lot for them to see me around. It makes me happy making them happy and they say that laughter or should I say happiness is the best medicine. So there.  
  
Maria  
  
---  
  
To: loco_over_lucca@yahoo.com  
  
From: spaceman@earthlink.net  
  
Subject: RE: The Truth  
  
Maria,  
  
You seem to be talking about this John character quite often. Are you going out with him? If you're seeing this John then I hope that he loves you the way you deserve.  
  
I know I said I was waiting for you to come home before we talk about it but I was wondering about that part where you said that we have to do things now instead of waiting for the right time to come because we'll never know if we are afforded the luxury to wait. So.here goes, I love you. Not that it should be an issue because it isn't.  
  
Michael  
  
---  
  
To: spaceman@earthlink.net  
  
From: loco_over_lucca@yahoo.com  
  
Subject: RE: RE: The Truth  
  
Michael  
  
I think my heart stopped when I read your last e-mail. I'm not seeing John. He's pretty much involved with this other doctor here but I don't think he knows it yet. He's nice and he did ask me out once but we figured out pretty quickly that we'd be better off as friends. That and the fact that there's this other boy I sort of fancy. He's jealous and strange and flawed but he's perfect because he speaks his mind, reads Ulysses and puts up with me.  
  
Maria  
  
---  
  
To: loco_over_lucca@yahoo.com  
  
From: spaceman@earthlink.net  
  
Subject: Now that you've mentioned it,  
  
So does that mean that we are officially a couple now? No more doctors? Interns? Other crazy loons? Want to get married? Maxwell, tells me that proposing through e-mail isn't too romantic but sap is his department and not mine. But this doesn't mean that I feel less sure than he did. You're the only one for me.  
  
Michael  
  
---  
  
To: spaceman@earthlink.net  
  
From: loco_over_lucca@yahoo.com  
  
Subject: RE: Now that you've mentioned it,  
  
Michael,  
  
I think we're going too fast. Why don't we just enjoy what we have for now. I love you. You love me. Let's not complicate things. Yet. Besides, I wasn't even sure that wasn't a hypothetical. I'll give you another chance to propose to me when I get back. Be ready. = ) But first why should I Maria deLucca marry you Michael Guerin?  
  
Maria  
  
---  
  
To: loco_over_lucca@yahoo.com  
  
From: spaceman@earthlink.net  
  
Subject: So what's it gonna be?  
  
Huh? Is it a yes, a no or eventually a yes. You've got me all confused. What could be more logical than getting married. Isn't that the normal progression of things in human sociology? Anyway, since you're such a smart-aleck, here's why.  
  
1. Bigger tax exemption and better medical coverage. What could be more practical than that.  
  
2. Because, admit it, I've ruined you for other men. = )  
  
3. My hair. Your voice. My eyes. Your beauty. My brains. Heck, our kids would rule the world like Caesar did.  
  
4. Because I'm marooned in your planet and annoying you is one of the better perks of being here.  
  
5. Your kisses would be the other perk.  
  
6. Your family likes me. Well sort of. I know your Mom loves me. Sheriff Valenti doesn't think I'm too bad. Kyle doesn't want to kill me anymore - Hey! I'm working on it.  
  
7. Liz thinks it's a great idea and we all know that of our little clique here, she has the market corner on the brains. Well next to you of course.  
  
8. Isabel actually approves of this latest hare-brained scheme. Her words not mine  
  
9. I love you. You love me.  
  
10. Because # 9 is the most logical reason there is and I just threw in the rest so that my list wouldn't be too short. Oh and did I say that you're irritating but that's part of your appeal and in case you didn't quite get it yet. I Michael Guerin, superior warrior being from Antar, actually love you, a lowly human. Heck considering that there are worse things to fall in love with in this planet, hooking up with a human isn't so bad.  
  
Michael  
  
---  
  
To: spaceman@earthlink.net  
  
From: loco_over_lucca@yahoo.com  
  
Subject: RE: So what's it gonna be?  
  
Michael,  
  
That was pretty amusing. I promise you that I'll have an answer when I get back week after next but I have to go to the hospital and have to have them check me. We were cutting up onions with my Mom's new electric dicer from the home shopping network when we noticed a strange whirring sound. We had it packed and shipped back to the company where we brought it from and they sent us a new one. It turned out that it was my heart that was making the noise. = ) As this nice new British chap in cardiology would say, "Not to worry love. It just needs lubricant." Not to worry, the thing is spanking brand new. It probably needs some time to adjust inside my body that's all. I'm fine. See you in 6 days and 5 hours. I can't wait.  
  
BTW, I'm blaming it on you. I think your last e-mail short-circuited the wiring of my pacemaker. = )  
  
The Tin Man from Oz 


	9. Chapter 9 Conclusion

BELIEVING THE LIE  
  
TV Show: Roswell  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Roswell. In fact I don't own anything of value to anyone. I have no car. I live with my parents and about too many credit card bills. So there!  
  
Author's Note: First-time fanfic writer so please be kind.  
  
Rating: R for language  
  
Summary: M/M. Maria confronts issues in her life when she was forced to face them right after graduation and before Liz's wedding.  
  
Genre: Angst  
  
Chapter 9: The Answer  
  
Dear Michael,  
  
If you're reading this, then I guess it didn't go so well. I actually wrote two letters when I first had the pacemaker put in but I had to update it a bit. I would have loved to come back and say, "Yes" but I guess it just wasn't meant to be. I would have said "Yes" when I wrote back but then it would be selfish of me to do that.  
  
Just know this that you've made me really really happy and proud to know you. My Pinocchio is now a human boy. Isn't that enough of an achievement already. = ) Seriously though, we just have to make the most of time and we did. I was hoping that we could have had more but the last few months was good enough for me.  
  
Please don't slide back. Sometimes we want to pretend that we have all that time in our hands but it doesn't matter whether it's a week or months or years, it only matters how we use it. You've come so far and I'd hate to be the cause of any more pain to you. I've always wanted to make a difference in this world in a major way and I was sad that that didn't go as planned but I hope that I at least made a difference in yours.  
  
Remember that I love you and I have and will always believe that your coming here was not random but was destined. Live as I would have wanted to do so, as we have dreamed it to be.  
  
Maria 


End file.
